Criminal Minecraft

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This segment is a crossover of Criminal Minds and Minecraft.

This segment is from the episode X-Games: First Class/Criminal Minecraft.

Plot
The segment begins with Aaron Hotchner telling the Criminal Minds crew he called them for a reason. Just then, David Rossi raises his hand and asks if they are the crew of "Cold Case" or "NCIS". Derek Morgan says his inside of his jacket says "Criminal Minds" and Penelope Garcia says she shops there too. Aaron Hotchner tells everyone to listen and tells them a body was found outside a mine shaft. Just then, Jennifer Jareau says that would be a perfect case for "The Closer". Derek Morgan says he likes those guys from "Psych" and David Rossi asks if they have the guy called "Joe Mantegna" but Aaron Hotchner says that is them and David Rossi understands. Aaron Hotchner gets frustrated and tells the crew to focus because this case is nothing like they seen before. The next scene goes to David Rossi and Derek Morgan in a Minecraft forest community and David Rossi gets confused and asks what show is it and the scene goes to the title "Criminal Minecraft" The scene resumes with David Rossi and Derek Morgan looking at the crime scene Sherrif_Motch was talking about. Derek Morgan says for them to canvas the area and interview every griefer, skeleton, zombie or creeper. David Rossi says he doesn't understand what any of those words mean and asks if this world is an original Nintendo. The next scene goes to a man named Nojang96 saying that it used to be a good neighborhood where he was and there was nice people and lots of animals. However, he says not anymore so he is packing up his stuff and moving to another place. Derek Morgan says he lives next door to someone who just got killed so he must know something. All Nojang96 knows is that he is moving to FarmVille and gets on his minecart and follows the tracks. He gets stopped because it is the end of the tracks and he says he needs more track so he puts one down and continues following the track. He gets stopped again and he says he needs more track. The next scene goes to Derek Morgan asking a skeleton near a cave if he seen something strange. The Skeleton says he didn't at the time but now he does. He steps out of his cave and into the sunlight and points over the horizon saying "You see, right down there" but then caught on fire. The Skeleton says he forgot he dies in the sun and then dies and leaves behind a bone with a bow. David Rossi says those guys from "The Glades" probably never interviewed a skeleton before. Derek Morgan and David Rossi meet up with Sherrif_Motch and Derek Morgan says it wasn't a griefer because none of the victims were robbed and not a Creeper because there were no signs of explosions. And David Rossi says it wasn't a spider because there was one on the tree and he is afraid to ask it. The spider hisses at David Rossi and he hides behind Derek Morgan. Sherrif_Motch says if they can't find out who did it, he will call "Franklin and Bash" but just then he gets shot by an arrow through the body and dies. David Rossi says it's not right and Derek Morgan says if he deserved better. But David Rossi said that "Franklin and Bash" are lawyers and he gloats about it. Derek Morgan sees the victim and tells him to drop the bow. The mysterious black figure turns around and it shows to be Mark Zuckerberg. David Rossi says it's Mark Zuckerberg and he was killing everyone. But Derek Morgan asks why Mark Zuckerberg didi it and what he has against Minecraft. Mark Zuckerberg replies with that he doesn't want to live in a world where millions of people are wasting their time on something other than Facebook. Derek Morgan wasn't listening because he was busy updating his "Facebycrook" page and Mark Zuckerberg says he wins and runs in the sunlight laughing. He just realized he dies in the sun and he caught on fire and leaves behind a load of cash. Derek Morgan says they did it but realizes that David Rossi is nowhere to be found. David Rossi is seen with his new house and his new friend which was a Creeper and he explodes and leaves behind 2 large craters and smoke. David Rossi got sad that he lost his house and his new friend but another Creeper appears and David Rossi got happy again. The new Creeper explodes and the segment ends with the scene going to the "Game Over" screen.

Characters

 * Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner
 * David Rossi
 * Derek Morgan
 * Penelope Garcia
 * Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
 * Sheriff Motch
 * SkyBum
 * Nojang96
 * Skeleton
 * Spider
 * Mark Zuckerberg
 * Creeper

Transcript
(Scene begins with the cast of "Criminal Minds" sitting at a round table)

Aaron Hotchner: I've called you all here for a very serious matter. (David Rossi raises his hand) Rossi, you have a question?

David Rossi: Yeah. (Scene zooms in on him) Are we the cast of (David Rossi holds up a magazine that says "Cold Case") "Cold Case" or (David Rossi holds up another magazine that says "NCIS") "NCIS"?

(Scene goes to Derek Morgan with his jacket open)

Derek Morgan: Well, the inside of my jacket says "Criminal Minds".

(Scene goes to Penelope Garcia with her jacket open)

Penelope Garcia: Oh! I shop there, too!

(Scene goes to Aaron Hotchner)

Aaron Hotchner: Everybody, please, listen. A body was found outside a mine shaft.

(Scene goes to Jennifer Jareau)

Jennifer Jareau: A mine shaft? Wow. Sounds like a perfect case for "The Closer".

(Scene goes over to Derek Morgan)

Derek Morgan: Ooh! You know who I like? Those guys from "Psych".

(Scene goes to David Rossi and Aaron Hotchner)

David Rossi: Is that the one with Joe Mantegna?

(Scene goes up a little)

Aaron Hotchner: No, that's us!

David Rossi: Right. That's us. Ok. Now I get it.

(Scene backs out to show the Criminal Minds crew)

Aaron Hotchner: (Groans) Everyone, focus! (Scene slowly zooms in on Aaron Hotchner) This case is like nothing you've ever seen.

(Scene goes to David Rossi and Derek Morgan in the Minecraft world)

David Rossi: Okay, wait. Now I'm confused again. What show is this?

(Scene goes to the title card "Criminal Minecraft" underground and in blocks)

(Scene resumes with Derek Morgan and David Rossi with Sherrif_Motch discussing the murder of Skybum. Also scene slowly zooms in)

Sherrif_Motch: There's been a string of murders in the Minecraft community.

(Scene zooms in on Derek Morgan, David Rossi and Sherrif_Motch)

Derek Morgan: Ok. We have to canvas the area. Interview every skeleton, zombie, creeper, and griefer.

(Scene goes to the left to show Derek Morgan in front of David Rossi)

David Rossi: I have no idea what any of these words mean. Is this like a Nintendo?

(Scene goes to Nojang96 packing up his block stuff in a minecart)

Nojang96: Used to be a good neighborhood. Nice people. Lots of animals. (Scene backs out to show Derek Morgan and David Rossi plus Nojang96's house) Not anymore. I'm packing up my house moving to another junk.

(Scene goes to Derek Morgan and David Rossi)

Derek Morgan: You live right next door to someone who got killed. You must know something.

(Scene goes to Nojang96 while holding a block)

Nojang96: I'll tell you what I do know, (Scene backs out to show Derek Morgan and David Rossi and Nojang96 gets on his minecart) I'm moving to FarmVille.

(Nojang96's minecart moves forward only to stop because there were no more tracks)

Nojang96: Ooh. Need more tracks.

(Nojang96 gets off his minecart, puts on one track and gets back on and continues but stops because there is no more track)

Nojang96: Ooh. Need more tracks.

(Scene goes to David Rossi and Derek Morgan in a cave talking to somebody)

Derek Morgan: Sir, have you seen (Scene backs out to show a skeleton being interviewed by Derek Morgan and David Rossi) anything strange?

Skeleton: You know, I didn't think anything of it at the (Scene zooms in on him) time, but yes, I did. (Skeleton begins to walk) Follow me.

(Scene goes to the Skeleton walking out of the cave and pointing over the horizon)

Skeleton: You see, right down there-

(Skeleton began to burn)

Skeleton: Oh! Oh, no! I forgot, I die in the sun!

(Skeleton dies in the sun and leaves behind a bone and arrow)

(Scene zooms in on David Rossi and Derek Morgan)

David Rossi: Huh. I bet those guys in (David Rossi holds up a magazine that says "The Glades") "The Glades" never interviewed a skeleton.

(Scene goes to David Rossi and Derek Morgan back to the yellow line zone talking to Sherrif_Motch)

Derek Morgan: So, here's what we've got. (Scene zooms in on Derek Morgan) We know it wasn't a griefer, because none of the victims were robbed. And we know it wasn't a creeper because there’s no sign of explosions.

(Scene goes to David Rossi sounding scared)

David Rossi: We know it wasn't a spider because there's one right there, and I'm too scared to ask it.

(Scene backs out to show Spider hissing at David Rossi)

Spider: (Hisses)

David Rossi: Aah! (David Rossi hides behind Derek Morgan)

(Scene zooms in on Sherrif_Motch)

Sherrif_Motch: Well, if you guys can't figure it out who did it, then I guess I'll just call Franklin & Bash.

(Arrow goes through Sherrif_Motch killing him and scene goes to David Rossi and Derek Morgan)

David Rossi: That ain't right.

Derek Morgan: He deserved better?

(Scene zooms in on David Rossi)

David Rossi: No, I mean (David Rossi holds up a magazine that says "Franklin & Bash") "Franklin & Bash." They're lawyers, not investigators. So, ha, in your face!

(Scene goes to the right to show Derek Morgan pointing at something)

Derek Morgan: There he is! Freeze! Drop the bow!

(Scene goes to a mysterious black figure holding a bow and arrow and when he steps towards them it turns out to be Mark Zuckerberg)

(Scene goes to David Rossi and Derek Morgan)

David Rossi: Mark Zuckerberg? You've been killing everyone?

Derek Morgan: But why? What do you have against Minecraft?

(Scene goes to Mark Zuckerberg)

Mark Zuckerberg: I don't want to live in a world where millions of people are wasting their time on something other than Facebook.

(Scene goes back to Derek Morgan and David Rossi, Derek Morgan is seen holding his phone)

Derek Morgan: Huh? Oh, sorry. (Scene goes to Derek Morgan's phone screen) I was updating my profile.

(Scene goes to Mark Zuckerberg)

Mark Zuckerberg: Yes, I win! (Mark Zuckerberg laughs as we walks out to the sun) Aah! I forgot, I die in the sun!

(Mark Zuckerberg burns to death in the sun and leaves behind a wad of cash)

(Scene goes to Derek Morgan)

Derek Morgan: Well, we did it, Rossi. Rossi?

(Scene goes to David Rossi)

David Rossi: Hey, look. (Scene backs out to show a structure made out of blocks) I built a house. (Creeper walks by David Rossi) Plus, I made this new friend.

(The Creeper explodes destroying David Rossi's house)

(Scene backs out to show a depressed David Rossi and smoke coming out from the explosion)

David Rossi: Aww, I lost my house and my friend. (Another Creeper walks by David Rossi) Oh, look, (Scene zooms in on them) a new friend!

(Creeper explodes and the scene goes to the "Game Over" screen)

(Segment Ends)

Trivia

 * Antagonist: Mark Zuckerberg
 * A running gag is that Criminal Minds is mistaken for other detective shows.
 * David Rossi asked Derek Morgan if Minecraft was like a Nintendo, however it is unknown which Nintendo system he was talking about, it may be that Kevin Shinick doesn't know the names of any of the Nintendo systems besides Wii.
 * For some reason, Spencer Reid, despite being in every episode of Criminal Minds so far, does not appear in this skit.