The Buzz Identity

This segment is a crossover of Buzz Lightyear and The Bourne Identity.

This segment is from the episode The Buzz Identity / Two and a Half Man.

Plot
Lotso the evil bear brainwashes Buzz Lightyear into thinking that he is a real space ranger (but he acually just wiped away his memory). Buzz boards the Fisherman Price boat, where he beats up two Fisher Price toys, demanding to know who he is. He then visits a bank and is told that he is himself but that he is also many other film characters played by Tim Allen. He blasts off to Ken's house, where Ken informs him that he is a space ranger. Wheezy the Penguin reveals to Buzz that he is simply a toy. Buzz is taken away by some city people, and one of them threatens to use Buzz as a weapon. Then, he throws Buzz at a wall, waking Buzz up from a dream. Everybody's heads turn into film characters' heads.

MAD References

 * Snott Pilgrim vs. the Wonderful World of Disney

Characters

 * Buzz Lightyear (Amnesia Buzz)
 * Lotso
 * Carl Fredricksen
 * Big Baby
 * Two Fisher-Price Sailor Toys
 * Hamm
 * Spanish Guy
 * Jessie
 * Ken
 * Wheezy
 * Matt Damon (Jason Bourne)
 * Julia Stiles
 * Woody
 * Leonardo DiCaprio
 * Talking Top

Transcript
(Scene begins at that one point in Toy Story 3 where they attempt to reset Buzz.) Lotso: I'm afraid you know too much, Buzz.

Buzz Lightyear: You'll never get away with this, Lotso! Pixar movies are sad in the middle, and sometimes at the beginning, but never at the end!

(Lotso snaps his fingers. Big Baby comes in with a screwdriver)

Buzz Lightyear: Wait! What are you doing?!

Lotso: Hmmm. "Resetting your Buzz Lightyear."

(Big Baby removes the screws and is about to switch Buzz from "Play Mode" to "Demo Mode".)

Buzz Lightyear: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Buzz ends up being reloacated in a bath tub, unconscious)

Blue Sailor: Whoever he is, his batteries are going to rust if he's left in the tub too long. (Buzz has been lifted up into the sailors' boat)

Red Sailor: Not bad for two guys with no arms.

[POW!]

Amnesia Buzz: (Punches and Kicks the Sailors) Who am I? [WHAM!] I have no memory! [KICK!] Who are you? [SLAP!] What's my name?

Blue Sailor: We don't know. It wasn't... on your underwear.

Amnesia Buzz: Oh no! ... You checked my underwear?

(Title Card: The Buzz Identity)

Amnesia Buzz: Can you tell me who I am? All I have on me is this serial number.

Hamm: It says you are Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

Amnesia Buzz: "Lightyear"? What is that? Dutch?

Hamm: You're also coming up as Tim Allen, Scott Calvin and the Shaggy D.A. (Screen reads "ALLEN, TIM", "CALVIN, SCOTT", and "YIKES".)

Amnesia Buzz: Well, I'm either a secret agent or a mediocre actor with no talent for choosing mo--

Spanish Toy: (Translated from Spanish): Pardon me. Do you have the time?

Amnesia Buzz: (In Spanish): Sorry, I don't speak Spanish. (In English) *Gasp* (Ay Ay Ay!) I DO speak Spanish! (Si hablo Espanol!) Why can I Hablo Espanol? (Porque puedo speak Spanish?) I can has Spanish! (????????????)

(Two cop toys walk in, with the intent of apprehending Buzz)

Amnesia Buzz: Ay. Mucho poopoo. [POW! KICK!] Spanish and karate? Whoever I am, I am AWESOME!

Jessie: Yodel-lay-hee-hoo! Come with me! You'll be safe.

[Pan out to reveal cop toys everywhere in the place]

Amnesia Buzz: Nice try, honey. Almost had me with that yodel too. Got me right here. (Buzz pushes a large red button which activates the suit's flight system.) Wings? I must be able to fly. To infinity, and- something... or other.

(A truck hits Buzz, blasting him off to Ken's house)

Ken: Good to see you again, Buzz.

Amnesia Buzz: How do you know my name? Did you look at my underwear?

Ken: My name is Ken. We work for Mr. Lotso and you are a Space Ranger.

Amnesia Buzz: I don't understand any of this.

Ken: Relax, let me get you some cake from my "Malibu Ken - It's Okay for Boys to Bake Too Oven".

Wheezy: Psst. Everything Ken told you is a lie.

Amnesia Buzz: Even the cake?

Wheezy: No, the cake is real and extremely rich - but you're not a space ranger, you're a toy! Andy's toy! And we need to get you out of here!

Amnesia Buzz: A toy? This couldn't get any weirder.

(Buzz is taken away by the hand of Jason Bourne out of the Play City)

Matt Damon/Jason Bourne: Back off! I'm Jason Bourne, and I can turn this toy into a weapon if I need to!

Amnesia Buzz: Okay, it just got weirder.

Julia Stiles: Awww! Is that a Buzz Lightyear? I used to sleep with one of those when I was little.

Amnesia Buzz: Keep talking...

Matt Damon/Jason Bourne: Take that!

(Matt/Jason throws Buzz at a wall)

Amnesia Buzz: I knew I could fly! To infinity-- [CRASH!]

(Buzz wakes up from his insane dream in bed)

Buzz Lightyear: What... What happened?

Woody: You took quite a spill, pal. We were worried about you.

Buzz Lightyear: I had the weirdest dream that I was in The Bourne Identity! Lotso, you were there, and you were there too, Ken! And Matt Damon, you were there and Julia Stiles, you were there. But then you weren't really in anything after that. I don't know why, 'cause you were great in 10 Things I Hate About You.

Lotso: The important thing is it was all a dream and you're awake now!

Leonardo DiCaprio: ... Or are you?

(Everybody's heads turn into Leonardo DiCaprio heads, then characters from the end of The Wizard of Oz, then Snow White and her seven dwarves.)

Talking Top: Man, am I dizzy! [HURK!]

(Segment ends)

Trivia
1. Open the Back
 * Wheezy talking about the cake being real and very rich is a reference to the infamous "The cake is a lie" meme made famous by the game Portal.
 * Antagonists: Amnesia Buzz (at the end Amnesia is Gone) and Leonardo DiCaprio
 * "I can has Spanish," means, "Puedo tengo en espanol," in Spanish and, "Ay! Mucho poopoo," means, "Oh! Much poop," in Spanish, meaning that Amnesia Buzz is upset by the cops coming in.
 * that man resembles to Chris Cooper attacking Jason Bourne (Matt Damon).
 * The instructions for how to reset your Buzz Lightyear are

2. Push the Switch

3. That's All