Star Blecch

This segment is a parody of Star Trek.

This segment is from the episode Star Blecch / uGlee.

thumb|300px|right|Video of Segment

Plot
The scene starts at a ship 20 years earlier. People were panicking because Captain Zero killed their captain and left the ship in danger. So its up to George Kirk to maintain control of the ship. However, Winona is having a baby. The baby comes out and George managed to save the ship. However, when he looks at the baby's picture, he pushes the self destruct button and the ship blows up. Back in Iowa 20 years later, we see James T. Jerk trying to make a move on Uhura but gets punished for stealing the bar scene from Star Wars. Captain Christopher Pike reminds him that his father was a captain of a star fleet. So James went to the bathroom just for his dad. Schlock shows James around the ship, introducing everyone but then Captain Zero interrupts and says he will destroy Schlock's home planet so Schlock hurries there. He warns his parents and hurry away. But then Schlock's mother goes to the bathroom and the planet explodes. Schlock felt upset about that and threw James out of the ship when he mentioned his mother. James landed in a cold planet and runs into a cave. There, he meets future Schlock who tells him that Gene Roddenberry told him to be captain of the ship. Right then, he goes back to the ship and does that. There, Captain Zero appears and stalks him. So then they destroy his ship and future Schlock appears to get his money back on the Star Blecch DVD. The Enterprise flies away and the segment ends.

Characters

 * Captain Zero (Nero)
 * George Kirk
 * Winona Kirk
 * James T. Jerk (Kirk)
 * Nyota Uhura
 * Captain Christopher Pike
 * Schlock (Spock)
 * Slack-off (Pavel Chekov)
 * Toodle-oo (Hikaru Sulu)
 * Amanda Grayson
 * S'chn T'gai Sarek
 * Manny
 * Sid
 * Diego
 * Wampa
 * Luke Skywalker
 * R2-D2
 * Bizz the Freindly Fax (5-Second Cartoon)
 * Future Schlock (He hates the Star Blecch DVD)

Transcript
[The segment begins with everyone screming and panicking until Captain Zero appears on the screen.]

Captain Zero: U.S.S. Caltic, I killed your captain and left your ship plummeting towards destruction.

George Kirk: Let's do this. [his phone rings] Honey I'm right in the middle of something.

Winona Kirk: But I'm about to deliver our babeeeee... [they both start to struggle, then Winona has her baby taken out and George finishes going to the bathroom]

George Kirk: Whew, last time I eat romulan for lunch.

Winona Kirk: The ship's gonna crash!

George Kirk: Ohh! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Winona Kirk: You have to make it.

George Kirk: Don't know if I can, it's out of control. [SHIP STATUS: OUT OF CONTROL] Say good-bye to our son for me.

Winona Kirk: I'll send you his picture! [She takes a picture of the baby's face.]

George Kirk: [SHIP STATUS: NICE :)] I did it, I regain control of the ship. I'm alive!

[George looks at his son's face, it reveals to be Alfred E. Newman. UR A DADDY! ;)]

George Kirk: The heck I am.

[George has pressed the Self-Destruct button causing the ship to explode, the title card appears, Star Blecch]

[IOWA, 20 YEARS LATER]

James T. Jerk: Hi, I'm James T. Jerk.

Abora: I'm Abora!

James T. Jerk: [yawn] You're telling me.

Nyota Uhura: This jerk needs to be taught a lesson.

James T. Jerk: For yawning?

Nyota Uhura: Nope! For stealing the bar scene from Star Wars!

[Two more thugs show up, they start beating up James until Captain Christopher Pike shows up]

Captain Christopher Pike: That's enough.

[one of them kicks him one more time]

Captain Christopher Pike: You should be in Star Fleet, instead of a bar young man.

James T. Jerk: Why? Look where it got my father.

Captain Christopher Pike: Your father was the captain of the starship for 12 minutes, granted he was on the toilet for ten of those, but I dare you to do better.

James T. Jerk: Well then, pass me those nachos.

[James finishes going to the bathroom]

James T. Jerk: Whew! That was for you Dad.

Schlock: Welcome to Star Fleet. This is Slack-Off...

Slack-Off: [snore]

Schlock: Mr. Toodle-oo...

Toodle-oo: Toodle-oo!

Schlock: And I am Captain--

Captain Zero: SCHLOCK! I finally found you and now I will destroy your home planet with my drill.

Schlock: It can do that?

Captain Zero: That's not all it can do. Order now and we'll throw in this destructive red goo. That's the drill and the red goo for just $19.99! Plus, order in the next five minutes and we'll also throw in this free oven mitt!

James T. Jerk: I've got to destroy that drill!

Schlock: I've got to save my family!

Toodle-oo: I've gotta get that oven mitt!

Slack-Off: [snore]

Schlock: Energize.

[beam]

Toodle-oo: Toodle-oo!

[beam]

Amanda Grayson: Schlock!

Schlock: Mother. Father. No time to explain, this planet is going to explode.

S'chn T'gai Sarek: So's your mother, she had romulan for lunch again.

[beam]

[farts]

Amanda Grayson: Uhh, I should hit the toilet again before we go.

Schlock: Nooooo!

[boom]

Amanda Grayson: Uhh, I feel so much better.

[beam]

James T. Jerk: Hey I stopped the drill, did you save your m--

Schlock: Don't say it or I will kick you off this ship.

James T. Jerk: Mom's the word.

[Schlock incapacitates James and places him in an escape pod and jettisons him off the ship.]

James T. Jerk: Vulcan idiot!

[A woolly mammoth scares James and runs away, soon it reveals to be Manny.]

Manny: I gotta work on my greetings.

[James keeps running until he goes into a cave, then he smashes right into a mysterious person and falls down.]

James T. Jerk: Ben Kenobi?

Future Schlock: I am Schlock from the future. Zero marooned me here forced to witness the most unspeakable act.

James T. Jerk: The destruction of your planet?

Future Schlock: No, the rest of this movie on DVD, [Pulls out the Star Blecch DVD.] luckily I think I found a way off this snowcone.

Wampa: Uhh, little help, anyone.

[beam]

Schlock: I thought I kicked you off this ship.

James T. Jerk: Yeah, but someone old and wise said I'm supposed to be the captain.

Schlock: Was it Future Schlock?

James T. Jerk: No, it was Gene Roddenberry, the guy who created Star Blecch, you MORON! Now move over.

Captain Zero: SCHLOCK!

Abora: Uhh, dosen't this T.V. get any other channels?

[Abora changes the channel to Beauty Tips with Megan Fox, then she changes it to Ben 10.]

Abora: Ohh, good! Ben 10.

[Captain Zero regains control of the screen]

Captain Zero: SCHLOCK!

Schlock: This is elogical.

Captain Zero: That I continue to stalk you?

Schlock: No, that anyone can follow the plot of this movie. We already stolen so much from Star Wars, let's just steal the ending to.

James T. Jerk: She's all yours kid, now let's blow this thing and go home.

[Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 go into Captain Zero's ship, they blast two rays into the heart of the ship then the ship explodes. Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 go back to thier ship, Schlock and James high-five then Schlock turns around]

Schlock: Wow! This mission has aged the crap out of me.

Future Schlock: I am not a mirror, I am you from the future.

Schlock: Did you come back to wish me luck?

Future Schlock: No, to get my money back. This DVD sucks! [Pulls out the Star Blecch DVD again.]

James T. Jerk: Slack-Off, give him his money back. Mr. Toodle-oo, warp speed.

Toodle-oo: Toodle-oo!

[The ship goes into hyperspace and the segment ends]

5-SECOND CARTOON

Captain Zero: SCHLOCK!

Bizz the Friendly Fax: DOOT-DE-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Trivia

 * The title is a reference to Mad Magazine issue #115 on December 1967.
 * Alfred E. Neuman appeared as the baby.
 * Antagonist: Captian Zero
 * Beauty Tips with Megan Fox would later appear as a segment in the same episode this is in.