Avaturd / CSiCarly (Transcript)

*Opening theme

Colonel Miles Quaritch: Welcome to Pandora. This is a Na'vi avatar. They are fierce and they are savage. Just don't tap on the glass, cause it freaks 'em out. [Cat Yowls] Now, the guy who was scheduled to take this avatar died from a cat allergy.

Jake Smelly's brother: Ah! [Splat]

Quartich: So instead we're going with his brother, Jake Smelly.

Dr. Grace Augustine: Is that the best the military can do?

Quartich: Well, we were gonna send the A-Team, but they wouldn't fit in the pod.

{A-Team Grunting}

B.A. Baracus: Ooh I pity the pod.

Dr. Grace: Uhh, better send Smelly.

Quartich: Man your pod, Smelly, and good luck.

[Title comes up with Jake Smelly na'vi's eyes "Avaturd"]

Jake Smelly [With Australian accent]: Wow, I look just like the Na'vi. Dr. Grace how did you duplicate them so perfect-

Dr. Grace [as a m&m]: What? It took a few tries to get it right, ok? Luckily everything on this planet is- [Gasps} [pointing at creature] Blue! Run Jake!

Blue: [Roars]

Dr. Grace: [Farts] uhh. I think i just crapped in my shell.

[Blue chases Jake Smelly's Avatar]

Neytiri: [punches Blue with a stick, Grunting]

Blue: [Squealing]

Jake Smelly: Obviously you're more of a cat person.

[Neytiri jumps down]

Neytiri: I am Neytiri of the Na'vi. We are a peaceful clan who are at one with nature.

Jake Smelly: Clearly.

[Scene goes to Blue who is badly damaged and insects buzzing over it]

Neytiri: These are my people. We live under the tree of souls with our clan leader, our spiritual leader...

Grover: Ahh!

Neytiri:-and our music leader.

[Keyboard Cat plays a song]

[Jake Smelly goes down]

Neytiri: Everyone's a critic.

[Scene goes back to Pandora]

Jake Smelly: Why did you bring me back?

Parker Selfridge: To remind you, your mission is help us obtain this precious mineral known as stupidnamium.

Jake Smelly: Stupidnamium? What moron came up with that?

[Scenes goes to Alfred picking studpidnamium out of the 3 words.]

[Scene changes with a cat saying meow]

Neytiri: In order to fly, you must join with the banshee that chooses you.

Jake Smelly: How will i know which one chooses me?

Neytiri: It will try and kill you.

[gunshot]

["Terminator" - like music plays]

[Boing]

Banshee: [Yelps]

Jake Smelly: I got him when he wasn't looking.

Neytiri: That's not exactly what I meant, but the job is done.

[Scene changes with a cat saying meow]

Neytiri: Your initiation is finished.

Jake Smelly: Is that ceremonial paint?

Neytiri: No. It's Banshee poo. It's all over the place, and we don't know what to do with it.

[Banshee poops on Neytiri's face]

Jake Smelly: I---I must confess something Neytiri. This body is just my avatar.

Neytiri: Where is your real body?

Jake Smelly: Safely protected in the transpod.

[Scene goes to Parker writing stuff on Jake's face.]

Jake Smelly: Everyone, listen.

I know I've been here for 3 months and probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the sky people want to destroy your--

[laser shoots structure]

tree. Guess I should of put that on top of the list.

[Scene goes to Jake Smelly's To Do list. Also Na'vi are grumbling]

Quartich: Step aside, Smelly. You had your chance.

Jake Smelly: Is that your latest military robot, Quartich?

Quartich: No. It's the Bluetendo actually. Got it for my birthday.

[Scene goes to the Bluetendo whirring and then punches Jake]

Jake Smelly: Uhh!

[Jake crashes to his human body]

Human Jake: [Moans and hugs Na'vi Jake Smelly]

Quartich: Hello, Kitty.

Neytiri: [Hisses]

Quartich: You can hiss all you want, but I'm protected inside this robotic suit.

Neytiri: What?

Quartich: [Opens door] I said--

[Arrow hits Quartich]

Quartich: Oh. I see what happened.

[Bluetendo crashes on Jake]

Neytiri: Jake!

[Neytiri hugs human Jake]

Human Jake: I see you.

Neytiri: I see you

Human Jake: No, Get me to the ICU.

Neytiri: Oh. Uh, of course.

[sirens approaching]

[Scene goes to the Na'vi praying Jake Smelly]

Papa Smurf: You saved us, Jake Smelly, and as a thank you we will make you our king.

[Rafiki holds up Jake Smelly, light shines on him]

[Scene ends with Keyboard Cat playing a song]


 * Animated Marginal*

Spaceman: This is one small step for..... Aw, man, Houston we have a poo-poo.

Alien Dog: Blubloblubloblubloblublo.

Announcer: Tired of getting haircuts that don't get you noticed? Introducing the Bieber Bowl! The new hairstlying bowl that will make you from being just out to Justin! The Bieber bowl's special pattened design allows you to just bop, bowl, and you're biebered! Just look how adorable! Plus if you like it, we'll send you a new bowl each month. So you can look like Zack, Moses, That guy, Blondie, his brother, and him. So start shampooing now. The Bieber Bowl! Our operators are waiting to adore you. Also available in adult sizes.

MAD!

Tree: Aw, that looks great man! She's gonna love that tattoo!

Announcer 2: Transformers! You have your favorites, but here are some rejected ones that didn't make the cut. AUTOPOT!


 * Autopot jumps making man get splashed my hot water*

Announcer 2: MOWERTRON!

Mowertron: I will destroy the *cough, cough*

Announcer 2: Headgear, the orthodontic transformer.

Headgear: Ew.

Announcer 2: And click, the transformer who can hide anywhere.

Man: Honey have you seen the remote?

Woman: Have you checked under the sofa cushions?


 * Click kicks man*

Announcer 2: Rejected transformers! Now you know why they're less then meets the eye.


 * Mad paper*

Singer: Rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb thy golden stair.


 * Singer climbs up only to find Rapunzel is really ugly*

Singer: AHHHHH!!!!!