Kung Fu Blander

Kung Fu Blander
From Season	2
From Episode	29
This is a	Movie Segment
Aired along with	Destroy Bob the Builder Destroy
MAD Parody Number	57

Kung Fu Blander is a take-off of DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda.

This segment is from MAD Season 2, Episode 3 (29): Kung Fu Blander / Destroy Bob the Builder Destroy.

Summary

The Soothsayer along with White Spy and Black Spy

Resharim and Zekrom

With a bird as the big bad guy, the second Kung Fu Panda film just feels blander than the last.

References

• Yin and Yang
• Angry Birds
• DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda
• Walt Disney
• Looney Tunes
• Mr. Popper's Penguins
• Jim Carrey
• Spider-Man
• Pokémon
• Street Fighter
• Pucca

MAD References

• Spy vs. Spy
• Are You Karate Kidding Me?

Characters

• Soothsayer
• Peacock in Book
• Three People in Book
• Po
• Lord Shen
• Pink duplicating Angry Bird
• Blue Triangle Angry Bird
• Orange Square Angry Bird
• Grenade Angry Bird
• Tigress
• Crane
• Mantis
• Monkey
• Viper
• Green Pig
• Pepé Le Pew
• Penelope Pussycat
• Thomas "Tom" Popper Jr.
• Penguins
• Spider-Man (It was really, Venom & Eddie Brock Jr.)
• Reshiram
• Zekrom
• Black Spy
• White Spy

Transcript

(Scene begins at a book that says "The Ancient Book 4th Edition: Now with more prophecies!")

Soothsayer: The Ancient Book (PROPHECY #1: EVIL PEACOCK) has prophesied (Zooms in on said peacock) that a peacock (Goes to his cannon weapon and subtitles say "I'ma destroy you, Kung-Fu" to the 3 people) with a powerful weapon will try to destroy Kung-Fu (People say "Cool story, bro") but will be defeated (Peacock says "I'm serious) by a force of black and white. (Yin and Yang falls on the peacock creating a crash and people say LOL and NOOB)

(Po pulls down the book)

Po: Who would that be?

Soothsayer: Can't tell. This book's not in color. Could be anyone (Anyone that's a panda is pretty likely).

Lord Shen: I highly doubt (Scene goes to Lord Shen) that you, Po, can defeat my secret weapon.

(Scene goes to Po)

Po: That secret weapon wouldn't happen to be a (PROPHECY #2: THE PEACOCK HAS A... SECRET CANNON) cannon, would it, Shen? 'Cause I'd hate to make you angry by ruining your big reveal.

(Scene goes to Lord Shen)

Lord Shen: How funny, (Scene backs out to show a Pink Circle Angry Bird) because an Angry Bird is my (Scene backs out) big reveal.(OMG ANGRY BIRDS! HOW COULD YOU TURN ON US??????!!!!?!?!?!?)

(Angry Birds wearing helmets and in different shapes and colors appear)

Angry Birds: Ya-ha!

(Scene goes to Po, who face palmed)

Po: Aw, COME ON! Last movie I fought a snow leopard. Now I'm fighting a BIRD?! (to the audience) Is it me, or are these movies getting worse?

(Scene goes to the title card "Kung Fu Blander" with music playing and a gong is heard)

(Scene goes to Po and the Furious Five appear quickly and a green pig comes from the left side)

Green Pig: Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Shifu thought a pig would round out the whole "animal team" theme.

Tigress: You buy that outfit or rent it?

Green Pig: Bought it.

Tigress: Too bad.

(Scene goes to Lord Shen firing a Pink Circle Angry Bird)

Lord Shen: Fire!

(Lord Shen fires the Pink Circle Angry Bird)

(Scene goes to the Pink Circle Angry Bird flying)

Pink 5-Splitter Bird: (While transforming into five groups) Hee hee hee!

(Scene goes to all five Pink Circle Angry Birds landing on each of the Furious Five)

(Scene zooms in on Green Pig)

Green Pig: From now on, every moment is a gift!

(Green Pig runs off and scene goes to Po looking surprised)

Po: (Gasp, Looks at Lord Shen) How did you defeat the Furious Five?! (Video Game Logic, my friend, makes it possible.)

(Soothsayer comes in with blue shadow around her)

Soothsayer: Nobody listens to me. I say only black and white can defeat Shen! (Scene goes to passed out Mantis) I see green, (Scene goes to passed out Tigress) orange, (Scene goes to passed out Monkey) I see brown. (Scene goes back to Soothsayer) It's like Walt Disney threw up! (You know, if he was still alive.)

Po: Black and white, huh? I don't need a whole movie to figure this out. It's me!

(Green Granade Bird hits Po creating a boom and makes him a midnight ash color.)

(Soothsayer appears holding a color chart)

Soothsayer: I guess you're more of a midnight ash.

(Gong is heard)

Po: Now you tell me. (Starts to walk away) Thanks a lot, you old goat. (Po reappears on the left) That sounded mean, but actually, she is an old goat.

(Po gets hit by a Green Circle Angry Bird creating a boom)

Po: (screaming, runs away) Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

(Scene goes to Lord Shen)

Lord Shen: Die, Po, and let kung fu die with you! Ah ha ha ha ha!

(Scene goes to Po running away Angry Birds style from Lord Shen who is firing Angry Birds at him)

Blue Speedy Bird: Ooh!

Grenade Bird: Whee! (and explodes)

Pink 5-Splitter Bird: He he he he!

Orange Square Angry Bird: Ha ha ha ha!

(Orange Square Angry Bird hits TNT that collapses the temple causing 2,000 points)

(Scene goes to Lord Shen and a Green Circle Angry Bird in the slingshot)

Grenade Bird: You know that was your own temple you destroyed, right?

Lord Shen: I know, but firing these things is so addictive. (Just like the game that turned on us!!!

(Lord Shen lets go of the slingshot sending Grenade Bird in the air)

Grenade Bird: Whee!

(Scene goes to Po running away while Angry Birds try to explode on him)

Po: Black and white, black and white, gotta find someone black and white!

(Scene goes to Pepé Le Pew hugging a shaking Penelope Pussycat in the city)

Pepé Le Pew: My little mon cherrie (Zooms in on them), kiss me. Mmm (Po grabs him and aims him in the direction of a Green Circle Angry Bird), mmm, mmm.

KA-BOOM!

Pepé Le Pew: What a woman.

Po: Okay, not him.

(Scene goes to Thomas Popper Jr. teaching penguins to dance)

Thomas Popper Jr.: And shuffle ball, step, shuffle ball, lunge.

(Thomas Popper Jr. lunges into Po on the right side.)

Po: Hi. I'm going to need all those penguins.

Thomas Popper Jr.: But these penguins are teaching me how to be a better father.

(Scene backs out)

Po: Did you just hear what you just said?

Thomas Popper Jr.: (Breaking down) What happened to my career?!

(Po grabs a Penguin and backs away slowly while Thomas Popper Jr. is seen sobbing.)

(Scene goes to Lord Shen and his army of Angry Birds.)

Po: Okay, Shen. (Scene changes and Po holds up the penguin) Prepare to meet your-

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and creates a boom on the penguin)

Po: Guess it's not the penguin.

(Po puts penguin down and takes a black-suited Spider-Man giving the peace sign)

Po: Prepare to meet-

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on Spider-Man leaving some parts open)

Po: Or Spider-Man.

(Po puts Spider-Man away and takes out a black and white cookie)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on black and white cookie)

Po: Or this cookie.

(Po puts the black and white cookie away and takes out a sign saying One Way ◄)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on sign saying One Way ◄)

Po: That sign.

(Po puts away the sign and takes out a black and white photo of construction vehicles)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on the black and white photo of construction vehicles)

Po: This photo.

(Po puts away the photo and takes out two pair of dice)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on the two pair of dice)

Po: These dice.

(Po puts away the dice and pulls out Reshiram & Zekrom

Reshiram: Hey, Zekrom!

Zekrom: Yeah?

Reshiram: What's that green thing headed towards us?

Zekrom: That looks like a-

Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on Reshiram & Zekrom)

Po: These Pokémon.

(Scene goes to Lord Shen firing Angry Birds on his slingshot)

Lord Shen: (evil laugh) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Scene goes to all the different kinds of Angry Birds laughing at Po)

Angry Birds: Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

(Scene goes to Po looking scared)

Po: (screaming in terror)

(Angry Birds explode on him causing a boom and scene fogs up)

(Scene shows Po in the dust looking defeated)

Po: Okay, you win! The prophecy was wrong! (Scene goes to Lord Shen and his army of Angry Birds while Po talks) There's nothing black and white that can beat you...

Soothsayer: Wait! (Scene goes to Soothsayer and two familiar figures behind a curtain) Not according to my book!

(Soothsayer opens curtain to show Black Spy and White Spy holding bombs and playing the Spy vs. Spy theme music)

(Black Spy and White Spy throw bombs at Lord Shen who he and his army of Angry Birds are looking frightened.)

Lord Shen: NO!!!

(Bombs explode on Lord Shen causing a boom and destroys him, his army and his temple. That'll teach those birds to be traitors!)

Po: (While walking and talking to Soothsayer) That book must be pretty smart.

Soothsayer: Nah. (Holds a MAD book with Alfred E. Neuman on it) Not really.

(Scene goes to Black Spy and White Spy shaking hands and when they let go it shows their arms were full of dynamite)

Black Spy and White Spy: (chuckling)

(Arms of dynamite blow up causing a boom and ending the segment)

Trivia

• This segment was originally Smurfer 8 (a parody of the Smurfs and Super 8), but it was officially changed into Kung Fu Blander.
• Lord Shen's secret weapon instead of a cannon was Angry Birds.
• The Green pig that joined the Po's team was similar to Angry Birds' Green Pigs.
• There was only four Angry Birds in the segment when there were five main Angry Birds in the game (then Tenerce, Stella, Al, and Bubbles were added). This means that one of the main birds was not parodied or appeared. Was it Red or White?
• Innuendo: Shen says "I know, but firing these things is so addictive" could be a reference to drug addicts.
• The pink circle bird is a parody of the Blue Bird because of multiplication, but this bird makes another four, making it five pink circle birds in total.
• The blue triangle bird is a parody of the Yellow Bird because of its triangle shape.
• The orange square Angry Bird is a parody of the Red Bird because it didn't do much damage.
• The green circle bird is a parody of the Black Bird because of explosion, but the green bird instead of waiting a second or more just explodes when it hits something, although in Angry Birds, the Black Bird also explodes when the player tabs or clicks on the screen at any time.
• The white bird was one of the five only birds of the nine to not be made fun of or appear.
• When an Angry Bird hit the TNT, it caused that 500 points and another 500 points for destroying a ling and then 1,000 points for knocking down the temple. So, in total, there were 2,000 points.
• There were six penguins in the Mr. Popper's Penguins scene.
• When Po said "Or Spider-Man", Spider-Man was actually Venom & Eddie Brock.
• At the end, Soothsayer holds up a MAD magazine with Alfred E. Neuman was on the cover.
• The first kung-fu person in the book looks similar to Abyo from the cartoon, 'Pucca'.
• This is the second segment that the Angry Birds aired on MAD. The other is RiOa.
• The green Angry Bird looked like a grenade.
• Antagonists: Lord Shen and the Angry Birds
• Usually, the blue round Angry Bird turned into three, but it turned into five to defeat the Furious Five.
• This is so far the only time Mr. Popper's Penguins airs on MAD. Maybe.